Above all else, choose you!
This won’t be a long one today, I just wanted to share some encouragement for whoever needs it. Also, I get a little personal so just a heads up.
I was watching the current season of Married at First Sight (season 12) and I need to talk more about Bao. Also, I promise this has a point!
Basically, Bao is being treated terribly in her marriage. He insults her, belittles her, and dismisses her feelings on a regular basis as she tries to understand who her husband is in their marriage. I will not even mention her husband’s name but just know that I’m actively trying to get the hashtag #BaoDeservesBetter trending on all platforms.
While I could talk about the incredibly toxic blow up that happened in last night’s episode involving Michaela and Zach, I think something much more important happened in that episode. Bao 1. realized that her husband verbally abuses her in a way similar to how her dad abused her mom when she was growing up and 2. Vocalized that she was constantly compromising on her morals and diminishing her self-respect by trying to entertain her husband and 3. Stated that she deserves better than all the other wives. I’m so proud of her and, like my cousin said in our three-way group chat, if Paige had this kind of realization last season her life could’ve been completely different.
What I would like to challenge all of us within the next few days is to think about how we might be settling in areas of our lives in the hope of comfort. Here’s an example: If you read enough of these newsletters you’ll know that I HATE dating. It’s a lot of emotional energy that generally is not valued by the other party (in my experience). 5 or 6 months ago, I met a really great guy who, unbeknownst to me, was going through a lot of personal stuff. We decided to end things in the hopes that he would get his everything in order during our “break”. I found myself dating other people but, in all honesty, my heart was reoccupied and holding out for this guy to get himself together. The idea of a comfortable and loving relationship with someone kept me emotionally and romantically stagnant and it took me up until last month to realize that. I eventually told him that I couldn’t continue with our back-and-forth and that I had to just do me. Was that a sad day? Absolutely. Was it worth it? Eventually.
By allowing myself to let go of the idea of that relationship, I found myself actually enjoying living alone more and even finding more emotionally available men. As it stands, my dating situation is looking optimistic (no details at this point, but maybe soon) and I don’t feel like I’m disappointing myself. I can now say that I was very upset with myself when I was allowing myself to remain in a version of a situationship, even though that guy and I were not officially together.
I guess what I’m getting at is that we all can settle for different reasons: comfort, the hope of (fill in the blank), exhaustion, whatever. But what if you didn’t.
What if you allowed yourself to dream bigger?
What if you are the only thing holding yourself back from everything you’ve ever deserved?
What if, in letting go of the old and believing in yourself, that you will naturally attract the thing that you desire?
Full disclaimer: This is not me necessarily telling you to leave your current relationship (but also I mean…if you wanna leave him then, babe, I’ll help you pack). Anyway, I wholeheartedly believe that Bao is an amazing partner and that she will find someone who respects that gift that she is (especially after the entire world is watching what she’s going through and the grace that she is handling it with). She cannot stop all the good that is coming her way, whether she wants to or not.
I was on the subway last week and I saw this poster. I think I’m going to close this article with that picture. Stay safe out there, yall!
Also, my paid subscribers, check your inboxes at 12PM EST today because instead of doing 2 wine reviews, I have one and IT’S WITH A FRIEND! Yes, you are getting chaos times two while trying to make sense out of wine. If you would like to get that content then please support me and my writing adventures by getting a $5 paid subscription.
OK
Now I’m done.