013: Married At First Sight: Why I’m SO Disappointed in Pastor Cal
I wanted to say this before tonight’s episode (Wed. 8PM EST on Lifetime) so we can all learn from these mistakes but Chris says something even more ignorant (again)
For anyone who has been watching this current season of Married at First Sight: I see you, I hear you, I am dumbstruck, too.
Even those who don’t watch the show have probably heard the internet ablaze with confusion and disgust for one man: Chris
No one has gathered the country together in hatred in this way since Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Last week’s episode shed light on something that was particularly horrifying and the only person who could have said something impactful about it was Pastor Cal and he didn’t. Thus, on the morning of the newest episode of Married at First Sight, I have words.
Last week, every individual on Married at First Sight got the opportunity to speak to one of the show’s counselors in a one-on-one session. Everyone was on time and open to talking about what they had to work on a grow through…except Chris.
Now, before Chris even showed up, Dr. Pepper (yes that’s her name and she is SPICY) finally said what we were all feeling: “Chris is a narcissist.” When she said it, I felt a peace like spring water wash over me because FINALLY someone was calling a thing a thing. Paige, his wife on the show, gave her some push back in the form of laughter and “nah but really” and OG Dr. Pepper held it down. So proud. Now we fast forward to the monster himself.
Chris showed up 45 minutes late and laughed his way on set as everyone was packing up. A strong start to a predictably messy therapy session. For those who do not know, Chris is a Black man in Atlanta. Dr. Cal is a Black man who is a relationship therapist and a pastor. Paige, is a dark skinned Black woman. All of this is important.
The part of that counseling session that SHOOK me was when Pastor Cal asked Chris why he treated Paige so badly and why he wasn’t attracted to her. His response was simply, “I don’t like her face.”
Pastor Cal was floored like “roll him up with the gym mats” FLOORED but also so very confused. Paige is a gorgeous, voluptuous, highly-accomplished, driven woman of the Christian faith (which was exactly what Chris said he wanted). So what was the issue? It’s not racism or colorism; it’s featurism.
For those who don’t know, featurism is discrimination based on one’s features (generally if their features are more afrocentric than eurocentric). This form of discrimination can be hard to pinpoint because it is so specific but it tends to focus on people’s noses and lips, especially Black people. Just look at how the media attacked Teyana Taylor, Ari Lennox and Blue Ivy and yes, children are victims of this, too.
I’m not going to talk about the cultural whiplash of white women suddenly getting lip fillers while Black women are shamed for having them naturally. That is a conversation that you can look up literally anywhere, but I did want to speak that into the space. NOW, how can I say so firmly that Chris deals with colorism? Let’s just take a look at the face of his ex-fiance and current baby mama, Mercedes, who he said he was leaving Paige for.
She is another gorgeous dark skinned Black woman, so colorism doesn’t seem to be the issue here. Both of them have extensions in, so this isn’t a texturism/hair issue. The only notable difference between the faces of these two women is that Paige’s nose is a little wider (more African, feature-wise) while Mercedes’s nose is narrower (less African-feature-wise). That might not seem like a big issue to a lot of people but it is a BIG issue in the Black community. Clearly, it gave this man permission to treat this genuinely sweet woman like garbage on national television. The nail in the coffin of my theory was when he listed all the other non-Black “queens” that the showrunners should’ve linked him up with. He’s a terrible person but he makes EXCELLENT television.
So why am I so disappointed in Pastor Cal?
Chris is a terrible person who is unredeemable. We all know this. And when it comes to featurism in the Black community, we might not all know the term for it but we all know what it is when we see it. Pastor Cal, a Black man in a position of authority, had the opportunity on national TV to call out his toxic and anti-Black behavior, and be an example but he didn’t. He had the opportunity to say, “Little black girls with round noses and thick lips are beautiful and deserving of respect and how dare you imply otherwise!” but he didn’t and I think it was for a weird sense of professionalism. These types of issues come up in relationships all the time. I cannot count how many guys have told me that they find me pretty because I don’t “look like other Black girls” (insert literal vomit here). This is not to say that Pastor Cal could’ve cured Chris of his cold, water-logged scrambled egg of a personality, but he could’ve introduced an important conversation and was either ill-equipped or unwilling to do so.
So that’s that on that. What are your thoughts? And if you watch the show, WILL YOU WATCH IT WITH ME BECAUSE I NEED EMOTIONAL SUPPORT?! There’s only one couple that I have hope for and I swear, if they don’t make it, I will do something drastic. Give me your thoughts! Also, like and share this article, if you like it (or find it interesting).
Stay well. Stay safe. Protect each other. These are terrifying times, yall.