001: The boy said "I have no goals."

The first of a two part series on goals, why we need them, and how to redefine them in the wake of 2020 and the importance of reclaiming our autonomy in the wake of so much chaos.

A few weeks ago I had a truly terrifying conversation with one of my younger cousins. I went to my grandma’s house to visit him and the family shortly after New Years and he was in the basement playing video games. I sat down next to him and asked him if he had any goals or things he wanted to accomplish in 2021 and this boy flat-out said, 

“I have no goals.” 

The words themselves were shocking and the tone of resolute indifference that it was laced in was worse but the fact that this statement came out of a black teenage boy left me dumbfounded. How can a person on the brink of life so definitively declare that they have no goals? What does that look like from the inside? What does that tell me about the mindset of the next generation?

I had to dive deeper. The worst thing that I could’ve done in that moment was ignore those four pungent words. Maybe it was a linguistics miscommunication, so I changed my terminology. 

“Is there anything you want to accomplish this year?”

“Yea, I want to pass the 8th grade.”

“You’re an honor roll student. You can do that easily. Is there anything else? What do you want to do with that?”

“I dunno.”

Though the evidence of my cousin’s very insular upbringing was popping up all over this conversation, I couldn’t help but recognize that he was not alone in his thinking. Yes, the coronavirus pandemic had temporarily (or indefinitely) derailed many people’s goals, dreams and aspirations, but just because the train is off the track doesn’t mean the train stops running. Even if we put the saddening reality of the COVID pandemic to the side for a moment, many people were not encouraged to dream bigger for themselves as children. Or people have inherited a poverty mindset that tells them that thinking smaller saves them from inevitable disappointment and shortcomings (generally due to a lack of resources). People with these experiences tend to have great difficulty comprehending the value of creating and striving for goals higher than their perceived range of comfort or visibility. Base-level, socially acceptable goals -like passing a grade- involve little imagination and thus encourage little growth.

I gave him this example:

Two kids run a race and both get a gold medal.

One says, “Thanks so much! I worked really hard for this!” and puts it on a shelf and does nothing with what they’ve learned.

The other kid says, “Thanks so much! I worked really hard and I think I want to do more of this. I’ll try out for the track team at school.” 

Then they join the track team and win more medals. 

Then college time starts coming up and they say, “Maybe I should apply for a track scholarship because I like doing this and I’m good at it.” 

Then they apply and get multiple scholarship offers from different schools. 

When school is done they say, “I think I can push all that I’ve learned further. I want to go to the Olympics.” 

And, one day, they get there. 

This showcased the difference between having and not having goals. What are you moving towards? Do you want anything? Is there anything that you like? What are you doing to get it?

an accomplishment isn’t worth much if it sits on a shelf (photo by @koolshooters)

I don’t believe that goals should be dependent on other people. The ability, or inability, to accomplish a goal should solely depend on the goal-maker. We talked about his interest in engineering and how much work (or lack thereof) he had put into figuring why he was interested in it. I encouraged him to Google all the types of engineering, youth creators who run youtube channels about engineering projects for kids, and to just try something. And I think that got him excited. Everything was on him. He wasn’t dependent on our grandparents, his mother or his teachers for any of this. The pandemic couldn’t stop him; only he could. 

He turned off the game, put the PS4 controller down and silently stared forward. 

“....Um…Jay? What’s going on?” 

“I’m just thinking about my goals.”

(If you guys would like updates on Jayden’s progress, let me know in the comments :) I’m sure he would be even more motivated to know that other people are cheering him on)

NOW, without further ado, I introduce to you: Nicolette! She is the owner of @yesitisrandom and such a light in this world. Check out our interview to learn more about her and her business and, if you are a paid subscriber, keep an eye out for that discount code.

And, if you aren’t a subscriber and want to be, it is your time to shine!